everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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