The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
