this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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