ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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