I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
