Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
