I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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