You really coming over, don't trick.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
