this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
