haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
