i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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