and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize