If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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