her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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