HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
