My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize