Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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