My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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