how can u be prego again
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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