but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
