Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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