so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
