My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
