take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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