Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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