Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
