based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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