I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize