Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
