its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
