i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
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It's like a toaster oven for my penis
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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