his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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