I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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