i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize