Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Girls should come with a carfax report
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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