It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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