I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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