I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
