No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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