You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
