i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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