she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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