i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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