i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
