My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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