Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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