bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
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Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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