I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!