I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.