The best revenge is premature balding
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.