I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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