Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.