I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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