this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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