Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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