It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
