i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
