I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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