I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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