you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
