I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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