nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
