Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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