Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
