Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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