you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
