remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
