so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
